If you have ever been a woman over the age of 30 who stayed in a budget motel, you know the horror of awakening in a dark room, switching on the bathroom lights and screaming at the shriveled-up she-witch you find hiding there. 

And you know the feeling of disappointment that blooms in the pit of your stomach as you realize the shriveled-up she-witch is your own reflection staring back at you beneath the merciless glare of overhead fluorescent lighting. 

You may also know the relief of visiting a nice restaurant after dark and catching sight of yourself in the mirror. You lean forward, mesmerized by how different — how matte! How smooth! — the contours of your face look in what we call “forgiving light.” But this turn of phrase is simply not correct. It is not light, and it does not forgive. It is darkness, and it merely conceals. 

But it feels so much better, doesn’t it? Salvation can feel like condemnation, when being lost is all you know. Sometimes it is so much more comfortable to live lost in the shadows.

It is possible to yearn for darkness. Darkness gives cover to so many things. The light has a harshness that can almost seem demanding, exposing. Light can bleach. Light can burn. 

“Is this really me?” you think in that budget hotel bathroom, examining acne scars you never saw before and crow’s feet that seem to have developed overnight. The answer is yes. Yes, that is really you, all of it, every inch. There’s nothing to be afraid of, just step into the light and own it.

“And this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil.” — John 3:19